Its only two weeks since I was not all at one with the world. I was agitated, stressed, irritable and if you asked me why? I honestly couldn’t put my finger on why. I go through periods like this over the year and I overthink so many things in my mind which ultimately wears me out both mentally and physically. One thing I end up doing is cutting ties on social media.
Every tweet, statue update and post annoys, irritates and irks me for no apparent reason. I feel like screaming out aloud so my natural reaction is to hit the delete button. I seem incapable of simply logging out, deleting the app from my phone and take some time out. Oh no I have to go the whole hog and delete accounts which gives me a feeling of being cleansed.
So out went Facebook which to be fair I have wanted to do for ages. I no longer find Facebook useful or a pleasant place to be these days and I have thought that for many a year. My profile has been set to delete which also means I will no longer have the use of Facebook Messenger which is no skin off my nose.
I deleted my old personal blog from WordPress. Why? Partly because I wanted to be anonymous in the blogging world again as I am paranoid about people discovering me given the job that I do. I prefer to be under the radar in that respect. Why didn’t I back my site up? I couldn’t answer that, in the moment I just had to cleanse myself of it. It is so difficult to write down just how I was feeling but simply logging out wouldn’t have made a difference to how I was feeling.
In the last couple of days I have felt that cloud lifting from me and I suddenly feel so more receptive to the blogging world and social media so I have started tweeting and writing again. From feeling so prickly I feel like some of the air has been let out of the balloon that was pumped up so hard and about to burst under the pressure.
I then created this site because I still have that love for blogging but I wanted to protect myself somewhat hence being anonymous.
I really wished I could just log out rather than ripping things up all the time. My sites would be loaded with so many memories yet instead they are sparse with so few posts.
No one can every truly put into words how they are feeling. I could not give you any specific reasons for me feeling so prickly at the world. I hated so many things about life, so irritable and angry yet at what I have no idea. One thing is certain, these cycles do come back round and I will have to go through it again even if it maybe a few months before the next one arrives.
Sometimes I put it down to reading too much online. The negativity gets to you eventually and maybe I should read less and try to get outdoors more breathing in the fresh air and clearing my mind more rather than cluttering it up with nonsense?
So today I am likely to join in with a conversation online in a positive way rather than telling someone to “f**k right off” which really isn’t me at all in real life. Our brains work in strange ways indeed.